Pushing forward

I wanted to start this blog the day the doctors said my mom only has months left to live. You wouldn’t believe it by looking at her. She looks mostly healthy and strong. Pancreatic cancer is aggressive so despite the chemo and radiation treatments, her tumor is suffocating her arteries.

My son Asher ask for my mom everyday when she is not staying with us. The thought of her not being here and hearing my son ask for her is excruciating.  In the meantime I must also continue to work full-time, do homework assignments for the 5 college classes I am taking (my hope was for my mom to see me graduate) and care for my husband and son. I still have bills to pay and a home to manage. Even though all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry and be with my mom every single breathing second, that is not reasonable or doable. I do know from here on out I will be spending every free moment of my time with my loving mama. I wish I could just freeze time if even for a moment so my mom can stay here and my son can enjoy her for as long as possible. No one ever will or can replace your mom.

I am so thankful for my family and friends that have been my emotional support and backbone especially my husband. He has been a tremendous support as he comforts me and lifts me up.

Most of all I find my hope and strength in the one who took on the cross, Jesus. He has fought all my battles for me. No thing in my life is a surprise to Him. He already knows the beginning and the end. All I can do is trust in Him and know that He will get me through it.


2 responses to “Pushing forward

  1. Stephanie I truly understand your pain and everything that comes along with seeing your mom suffer everyday. Reading your story is the same way I felt and to this day I question a lot and maybe I shouldn’t but I can’t help to ask why? I miss my mom everyday. I don’t feel like I will ever be the same without her a huge piece of me is forever gone and now I’m just trying to learn how to live with all this sadness, grief and loneliness. The best words I can tell you is spend every chance you can with your mom and make the best memories you can with her and Asher. Keep your faith stronger than ever now, hug your mom tighter every day and tell her why you love her so much! Your mom is in my prayers. Please feel free to contact me if you need anything or just someone to talk to. I pray your mom receives her miracle very soon. Bless her heart. Give her a big hug from me! Take care and keep being strong Stephanie!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Karen for your words of support and understanding. I know it must be a pain like no other to lose your mom. It’s a void that can not be filled. No more phone calls or text or sweet hugs or words of encouragement, those are the things that mom are so perfect for. I’ll have you in my prayers as well. Praying for healing from the grief. I know it has to be a process, one that I’m fearful to take. We must allow it to make us stronger. Love ya!


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